All the Feels!

   You know what feels are, right? Okay, well you know what feelings are. On the internet my people call them feels because I think in the moment we're too emotional to add on the extra letters. Also, feels is usually associated with a sense of loss, finality, but also as sense of accomplishment and affection and probably a dash of gut-stabbingness if your favorite character just died. And, okay, feels is also associated with TV shows and the fandoms that follow them. Does this all make sense now?

     At the end of this post you'll see a picture of me and some of my closest friends at my friend Miguel's baptism. He'd waited 6+ years to be baptized and that day, and the day after, were just wonderful and so happy. My grammar deteriorates as I try to speak of the happy feels.

   Underneath the picture is a video, a little documentary about a 18 year old kid, Zach Sobiech, who passed away one week ago. Watching this video, and his music video "Clouds," has brought so many of the feels. His happiness is lovely. He teaches a lot of lessons just through little things he says. One of the big things I learned from him and this video this week is to love each day. His mom says something like, one of the blessings of cancer is that you have to come out of denial. She was talking about the denial of death that we all deal with. We are all going to die. We have limited time to be alive how we are here and now. So how uggghhh do I feel thinking about that at the end of a day in which I did nothing productive? Pretty uggghy. 

     I know this is my missionary blog and that's why I haven't posted much, I'm waiting, but both Miguel's baptism and Zach's story inspire me mission-wise. I want families like Zach's to know that this is not the end. I want all families to have the joy that Miguels' had.

     One of the moments that I looked back on as I decided whether I should serve a mission was simple. (I'm only ending that sentence like that because I want to start a new, prettier one.) I was sitting in my car sometime last year, and crying because of something or other that was upsetting at the time. I prayed for comfort and for the strength to comfort myself. I thanked Father for His love. As I prayed and was able to find peace, I thought of all of the people out there who don't know how to find that same comfort. They don't know how their Father loves them. When they are lonely, the think that they truly are alone. I don't want people to be so lonely. I don't want people to not have anywhere to turn. I want people to know of their Savior and to seek the peace that His Atonement provides.

     I'm gonna end this now because I don't know what to say other than that I know it's all true. I know it. I love it.

-Amanda Peterson

April, Reuben, Me, Miguel, Kelsie